What do you like doing with your partner?

Kiss and Cuddle
Mutual Masturbation
Oral Sex
Fingering
Rimming
Anal Sex
Fisting
Bareback
Water sports

Unfortunately, even life's simplest of pleasures isn't without its risks... French kissing (using the tongue) can allow the transmission of syphilis (if a syphilis sore is present in the mouth) and herpes. The latter will probably give you a small, painful, ugly sore on the lip. If this happens, don't worry: if you're embarrassed just tell your friends and family you've got a cold sore and get treated !!! A dose of antibiotics from your doctor or pharmacist will see you treated very quickly. As for syphilis, this is more serious and requires urgent attention. Herpes is easily treated with an anaesthetic powder/gel.

Again, this is pretty safe stuff, but bear in mind the following: Who's masturbating who? STIs and STDs such as syphilis, herpes and genital warts can be transmitted if you or your partner's hand, which has been on his penis, is then use to masturbate your own penis and vice versa. Should the penis gland have small cuts or tiny, invisible lesions, contact with the other's semen or pre-cum might allow the transmission of an STD into the body. However, it is extremely difficult for HIV to be transmitted in this way, because the virus does not survive long when in contact with air.

Tip: Think about reducing risk by keeping one hand 'safe' (caressing the body/masturbating your own penis) and the other keeping your partner happy (on his penis and not on yours!).

Just look at you guys go! But remember that the penis gland and the inside of the mouth are both mucouses which can also have small cuts and tiny, invisible lesions. This makes the transmission of an STI/STD (especially syphilis, Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea and hepatitis B) a real possibility, especially for the guy giving oral sex (i.e. sucking the other guy's penis). For the guy getting his penis sucked however, blood inside the mouth of the guy sucking him (such as from an open sore or ulcer) could transmit an STI/STD if the guy getting sucked has a small cut/tiny lesions on the gland of his penis. Statistically, the risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex is very low at around 5% of all reported cases of HIV, but the possibility of catching gonorrhea and syphilis much higher! So here's how to reduce the risk for both sucker and suckee...

Tip: When giving oral sex (i.e. sucking):

1) If you feel that tonight might be your 'lucky night', then before going-out DON'T brush your teeth or use dental floss! Flossing, or brushing your teeth can irritate your gums and open up very small lesions which could allow the transmission of an STI/STD. Likewise, using mouthwash removes the substance found in saliva which can offer some level of effective protection. But got bad breath? A chewing gum or mint/citrus sweet will solve the problem!

2) Do you have a sore throat or an ulcer in your mouth? If the lining of your mouth has cuts or is red and irritated, this increases the possibility of an STI/STD getting transmitted into your body. Alcohol also irritates the lining of your throat. So what is the answer? Wait until your mouth and throat heal and perhaps drink less alcohol. In any case, drinking less/no alcohol and avoiding all drugs improves your ability to think properly (and safely!) when it comes to negotiating safe sex with your partner.

3) Put a condom on his penis! Almost nobody likes the idea of sucking on rubber, but remember this is the ultimate protection against all STI/STD transmission. It's entirely your decision...

4) To swallow or not to swallow? A question often asked, with no real proven answer, but here are the facts: If you are going to swallow, the acid in your stomach will probably destroy all trace of HIV if it is in your partner's semen (and pre-cum). Just leaving it in your mouth might increase the possibility of HIV in the semen (and pre-cum) getting into your body, especially if you have small cuts and lesions in your mouth and gums. However, if you know you have a sore throat or mouth ulcers you might wanted to prevent him ejaculating in your mouth, but remember that even pre-cum carries STIs/STDs including HIV.

When receiving oral sex: It is statistically safer to receive rather than give oral sex, but there are simple things you can do to make things even safer for you and your partner. For example, ensure your penis is clean and hygienic - when cleaning it, it's best to use your hand rather than a piece of flannel, avoiding too much friction around the gland which could irritate it and form tiny, invisible lesions.

The risk of transmitting an STI/STD if fingering or getting fingered - inserting a finger (or more than one finger!) into your partner's anus - is extremely low, on condition that this finger has not 'wandered' over parts of your/his body where another. There are things you can do to ensure the risk remains negligible.

1) If you think or know you have a cut or open wound on your finger, you might want to use a latex glove. A fresh cut or open wound leaves the door wide open for an STI/STD to transmit from one body to another.

2) What about your finger nails? If you're doing the fingering and you've got long or sharp nails, think about trimming them or smoothing-off those edges to avoid damaging or making small tears in your partner's rectum. Otherwise, it might not only be uncomfortable for your partner, but small lesions and tears in the rectum increase your partner's vulnerability to the transmission of STIs/STDs, including HIV.

3) Take it easy! To begin with don't insert your fingers too quickly... or too many at a time! The lining of the rectum (anal passage) can be easily damaged with small cuts and lesions if you don't do it carefully! Give your partner time to relax his anus and ensure your finger(s) and his anus are well lubricated with a water -based lubricant. Saliva is fine; although HIV is found in negligible concentrations in saliva, as a body fluid it can also be the carrier of other STIs/STDs! Make sure the lubricant is water-based . If you move on to anal sex later, the presence of an oil-based lubricant will weaken and disintegrate the latex condom! (See 'How to use a condom' below)

Again, in terms of HIV risk 'rimming' (or licking your partner's anus) is very safe. However, other STIs/STDs such as herpes, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, hepatitis B and syphilis could be transmitted this way, through saliva or a small, open cut or sore in your mouth. You can minimize the risk in the following ways:

1) If you're the guy getting rimmed, ensure proper hygiene around your anus. This will not only make things more pleasant for the guy rimming you (!), but ensure that any other nasty bugs you have lurking around down there are not transmitted to your partner.

2) Use a latex dam on your partner's anus (or put a latex damn in front of your partner's mouth if you prefer!). This is one of the surest ways of preventing STI/STD transmission if engaged in any 'rimming' activity. It's your call...

And finally we get to the sex act which, for many guys, is the 'hottest' or the ultimate expression of intimacy in a physical relationship. Statistically however, unprotected anal sex is also the sex act which exposes both partners to the greatest risk of contracting HIV/AIDS and other STIs/STDs (syphilis, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, hepatitis B). Remember (and practice!) the tips below the next time you have anal sex, and you'll be radically reducing your risk of contracting something you didn't ask for...

When you're the active partner ('top')

1) Wear a condom!!! See below ('How to use a condom') for tips on correct use. Remember, incorrect use of a condom can lead to the condom breaking or slipping-off, something you might not be aware of 'in the heat of the moment' until it's too late! Correct us of a condom during anal sex significantly increases your protection against any STIs/STDs (including HIV/AIDS) you might otherwise be exposed to.

2) Use plenty of water-based lubricant to reduce friction and maintain the condom's efficiency. If sex is lasting a long time, remember to re-apply lubricant to keep things going smooth.

3) Go slow at first! No matter how excited you are, remember that your partner can experience some pain if you don't give him time to relax his rectum. Not only can this be painful for him, but forced penetration can lead to damage to the rectum (small tears and friction) which can: a) take a long time to heal and; b) increase your partner's vulnerability to STIs/STDs in the future. Lesson learnt = Respect!

4) If penetrative sex lasts a long time (good for you!), think about checking the state of the condom after about 15 minutes or better still, if you keep going for longer, replacing it with new one.

5) Never use a condom more than once!!! A used condom is a 'dead' condom - it will most likely break the next time you use it and there's a high probability of transmitting STIs/STDs to another partner with the same condom. Even after ejaculation, and if you're going to have more penetrative sex with the same partner, simply use a new condom!

6) After ejaculation, no matter how long you want to 'stay inside' your partner, remember to remove your condom before your penis goes soft. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and staying inside your partner! Not a pleasant scenario...

When you're the passive partner ('bottom')

1) Remember who's in control: YOU! Even if your partner wants to get things going quickly, don't do anything until you feel fully relaxed and prepared.

2) It's not just your partner's erect protected penis which should be well lubricated with water-based lubricant, but your rectum too! If, after he's started penetrating you things are still uncomfortable, ask him to withdraw and apply more lubricant and wait a short while. Then start slowly again, or try a different position... Feeling pain usually means something isn't quite right, and ignoring it might lead to damage to the lining of your rectum which will take a long time to heal.

3) During sex, if you ever feel things are heating up a bit 'down there', don't hesitate to apply more lubricant. This will cool things down a bit, maintain the efficiency of the condom, and make things more comfortable for you.

4) After your partner has ejaculated, remind him to withdraw before his penis gets too soft. See point 6 above for what could happen otherwise...

In some ways, some of the advice offered on risk-reduction during anal sex also applies here, to fisting (inserting more than just a finger/penis into the anus )... the anal passage is a very sensitive and fragile part of you and your partner's body, so making sure you respect reactions of the one being fisted, be it you or yourself, is the first thing to remember: stop and carefully withdraw!

Remember, take things slowly... before the anus exposed to any intrusion (!), it should be fully relaxed; the partner being fisted must feel fully comfortable about doing this. Statistically, the risk of transmitting an STI/STD during fisting is extremely low, but take into consideration the following to ensure this remains so for you and your partner:

Use latex gloves and plenty of decent, silicon-based lubricant: This will decrease the risk of any STI/STD being transmitted through an open cut, tear or graze from the hand of the 'fisting' partner or from the anal passage of the one being 'fisted'. Using plenty of appropriate lubricant will ensure that there is a minimum of friction and that the anal passage remains as flexible and intact as possible. Ensure also that the lubricant used is water or silicon-based, so that it doesn't deteriorate the condom when fisting is followed by anal sex.

If you're being fisted, talk to your partner! The partner being fisted should be able to fully control the depth and speed of the fisting, and so must never be afraid of alerting his partner if he feels he wants to stop, if he feels uncomfortable, or if he wants him to keep on going! To the partner doing the fisting: listen to what your partner tells you to do and obey!

(or anal sex without a condom)

"We've not talked about using a condom... he must be HIV-negative like me... "

"We've not talked about using a condom... he must be HIV-positive like me... "

Yes, in all honesty, it happens.. some guys make a conscious decision not to use a condom during anal sex, not knowing or choosing not to think about their partner's HIV status. Other guys make sure to use a condom on every occasion but, likewise, might occasionally slip-up in the heat of the moment. Whatever your experience with bare backing (unless it's something which only ever takes place in your fantasies), there are some steps you can take to reduce the risk of contracting and transmitting a sexually transmitted disease/infection. Bare backing never equates with 'safe sex' (unless both you and your partner are absolutely certain you are both HIV-negative), and as the little 'thoughts' above show, not talking about the issue with your partner, in the heat-of-the-moment, can lead to a seriously false assessment of the risks involved for both him and you. So regardless of whether you bareback on a regular basis, or whether it's a one-off 'slip', here's how you might reduce the risk for both of you:

If you're 'top', or the insertive partner, regardless of your HIV status, whether known or unknown: Biologically-speaking, you're at lesser risk of contracting an STI or STD such as HIV/AIDS than the 'bottom, or receptive partner, but in comparison to protected anal sex, the risk remains very significant . So;

i) Ensure your penis and your partner's anus are very well lubricated. Ensure your partner's anus is fully relaxed before penetration. This will reduce the possibility of small tears and fissures appearing in his anal passage and on the head of your penis as a result of the friction during penetration. Remember, it is mostly through tiny 'openings' (tears, fissures...) on your body that STIs/STDs are contracted and transmitted...

ii) I can take some precautions, right? Like using soap or a disinfectant as lubricant? In a word, NO! All detergents, whether soap, chlorex, or shampoo etc., irritate the lining of your partners anus and the head of your penis, further increasing his and your vulnerability to contracting/transmitting and STI/STD. Make sure the lubricant you use is none of the above, and preferably a water-based one.

iii) You want to ejaculate? Remember, STIs/STDs including HIV/AIDS are equally present in pre-cum, but in larger amounts in ejaculate because you simply produce more of it than pre-cum, which you naturally produce without the ecstatic feeling of ejaculation! Therefore, regardless of your HIV status, and no matter how great the desire to ejaculate inside your partner (yes, difficult, it's an intense moment...) withdraw your penis from your partner's anus a few moments before ejaculation.

If you're 'bottom', or the receptive partner, regardless of your HIV status, whether known or unknown: Biologically-speaking, you're at higher risk of contracting an STI or STD such as HIV/AIDS than the 'top', or insertive partner; the lining of the anus is fragile and easily irritated through friction or forced penetration, making an STI/STD easier to pass into, and out of, your body. So;

i) Ensure your anus is fully relaxed and very well lubricated. What about your partner's penis? Make sure it is well-lubricated too... See point i) above for why this is an important issue if you are going to bareback. 'Fingering' with a well-lubricated finger, until your anus relaxes enough, might be a pleasant past-time before penetration...

ii) You feel something is about to blast-off? ;o) See point iii) above for the issue of withdrawing his penis before he ejaculates...

iii) Damn! Too late!!! He didn't withdraw!!! To be honest, there really is nothing you can do at this stage except take a chill pill and accept the reality. However, there are things you might be tempted to do which might aggravate an already uncomfortable situation. In other words, don't be tempted to apply any detergent in your anus, such as disinfectant, chlorex, soap, shampoo, toothpaste, thinking you might 'kill' whatever virus or disease is present... all these will simply further irritate the lining of your anus, and make you even more vulnerable to contracting an STI/STD if these are already present in your partner's ejaculate. You might have just dodged the bullet up to now: don't expose yourself to further risk through an impulsive reaction! If having an STI/STD remains an issue of concern, get in touch with S.I.D.C who offer a full, free package of counselling and support, both before and after you test for HIV (and other STIs/STDs). Whether you test negative or positive you owe it to yourself, and to your future partners, to know for sure.

Put simply, this is the name given to sexual activity which involves urine - urinating on your partner or being urinated on, by him. In water sports, the risk of transmitting or contracting an STI/STD is very low, but do remember that urine is the carrier of STDs and STIs, so precautions must be taken to ensure neither you nor your partner expose yourselves to unnecessary risk.

Remember that any small tear, open cut/wound and fresh graze can be the 'gate' for STIs/STDs to get inside your body, whether it be on your hands, the lining of your anus, the inside of your mouth or big toe! So, you should at least make sure that any visible cuts/grazes are covered with a waterproof plaster, and avoid urine inside your mouth - there may be more tiny cuts and rashes in there than you can see or feel!

Finally, after the shower, have a real shower!